


Fix You

by SingingIntheStyx



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Comfort, Cutting, Depression, Fluff, High School AU, M/M, Suicide, neither is the suicide, the cutting isn't graphic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-05-15 23:15:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5804107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SingingIntheStyx/pseuds/SingingIntheStyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil grabbed his backpack and shrugged it on, bidding farewell to his mum and walking outside. The warm feeling of sunlight touched his skin, a pleasant feeling. It was another miserable day at school. It's been a week since school's began and Phil hasn't enjoyed a bit. The only reason he ever bothers to go is for his friends PJ and Louise who brighten his days up considerably.</p><p>Slowly, Phil begins to trudge to school, the autumn weather already showing signs as leaves crunched under his feet. There was a light breeze, messing up his fringe and he had to constantly fix it.</p><p>His school appeared in his sight, the large one story building already teeming with teens.</p><p>Time to begin another miserable day at school, he thought to himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. un

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT 1.26.15: I combined chapter 1 and 2 because I thought they were too short separately.
> 
> Hi, welcome to my first fanfic! Here's some heads up:
> 
> -I procrastinate badly but I'd like to update every Saturday since obviously I'd be off from school and I'd have more time to write, although I'd probably be working on the chapter along the week.
> 
> -I really enjoy to see comments. You don't have to leave anything but I'd appreciate it :)
> 
> -I hope you enjoy this fanfiction!!

The incessant beeping of his alarm clock was not a good way to begin the day.

Phil groaned, rolling over and hitting the snooze button on his clock with the palm of his hand, hoping he'd break it. That didn't happen sadly.

He opened his eyes a bit, the bright light of the sun filtering in through his window blinding him momentarily. After his eyes adjusted to the light, he saw it was only 6:50. Phil groaned and rolled over, wishing he could sleep more.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes, sliding out of bed and walking into the bathroom. His sweatpants hung low on his hips as he walked, nearly tripping on them since they were sliding under his feet.

He stood in front of the mirror and looked at his reflection, his blue eyes looking duller than their usually bright icy color. Phil assumed it was the fact that it was so early in the morning, quickly brushing his teeth and fixing his fringe.

Despite how dead he felt, he decided to wear a bright blue shirt paired with black jeans, along with his worn but loved converse. It's what he normally wore, nothing out of the ordinary. He grabbed his glasses off of the nightstand beside his bed, putting them on and blinking, his vision clear now.

After he was satisfied with how he looked, he went downstairs, seeing his mum in the kitchen. She looked up when she heard his footsteps. "G'morning Philip!" his mum greeted, smiling wide. In his personal opinion it was really too early to be smiling, but he was too nice not to smile back. "Hey." he greeted shortly, grabbing a biscuit off the table.

"I'm not going to be home until around seven," his mum began, putting the dishes up. "but there'll be food for you in the fridge when you get home."

He nodded, not minding. It just meant more time to himself.

Once he was done with his biscuit, he took his phone out from his pocket and checked the time. 7:21. Enough time to get to school.

Phil grabbed his backpack and shrugged it on, bidding farewell to his mum and walking outside. The warm feeling of sunlight touched his skin, a pleasant feeling. It was another miserable day at school. It's been a week since school's began and Phil hasn't enjoyed a bit. The only reason he ever bothers to go is for his friends PJ and Louise who brighten his days up considerably.

Slowly, Phil begins to trudge to school, the autumn weather already showing signs as leaves crunched under his feet. There was a light breeze, messing up his fringe and he had to constantly fix it.

His school appeared in his sight, the large one story building already teeming with teens.

Time to begin another miserable day at school, he thought to himself.

* * *

 

Phil trudged through the hallways, already tired. It was only third period and he was exhausted. He could try to skip the rest of his classes, but his mum would probably murder him.

He walked into his English class, plopping down in a seat near the back of the class. This way he could fall asleep in class without getting noticed.

Other students began to slowly trickle in, taking their seats. Once the bell rang, their teacher, Ms. Brown (Miss because no one is dumb enough to marry her), came in as well with a stack of papers tucked under her arm, greeting them with a smile that was clearly fake. "Good morning everyone!" she greeted overly cheerful, setting the papers down on her desk. "I'll cut to the chase just so you guys can do a bit of planning."

Everyone murmured curiously, wondering what she meant. Phil simply rose an eyebrow and rested his elbows on the desk, waiting for her to continue.

"Today's the first day of our project—" she paused to allow everyone to collectively groan. "—and I'm assigning you partners." She smiled again when everyone groaned louder, some people dramatically slumping in their seats.

Ms. Brown cleared her throat and sat down. "Once I call you and your partners names, come up and get a paper explaining the project and you may sit together." She picked up her clipboard and began listing off names, pairs of students coming up to collect their papers and going to sit down with them.

"Phil Lester," he looked up at the sound of his name, briefly pondering about who his partner was going to be. "—and Daniel Howell."

Phil looked around to see who it was as he stood up, spotting a brown haired boy with dark bags under his eyes and a seemingly permanent frown on his face. Ah, he got the recluse as his partner. Great.

They both simultaneously walked up to the desk to get the paper and seemed to mutually agree to sit at the back of the class where Phil's stuff was. After they had sat down, Phil scanned over the paper, sighing in relief when it was a pretty simple project on the 13 Olympians. They were allowed to choose whoever they want, so each pair would do two gods. Phil quite liked Greek mythology, so it wouldn't be too bad.

He looked up at Dan, who was still reading the paper. He took the chance to look over him without seeming to be too creepy.

Dan was, as he had mentioned before, a recluse. He never hung out with anyone sans Tyler Oakley, and seemed to radiate a constant mood of 'please fuck off'. Normally he'd sit with Tyler at lunch, but when he had gone to sit with a couple other friends he would sit alone sketching in a journal that he seemed to constantly carry around with him everywhere. He was clad in a dark grey hoodie with a light grey hood that had ears (horns?) sewed onto it and black jeans similar to Phil's. He also had worn black converse on his feet which were tapping against the floor. Phil had to give him props to the fashion choices.

Dan finally looked up and Phil had to avert his eyes so it didn't seem like he was staring at him.

"So what god are you going to do?" Dan asked him quite uninterestedly, fingers playing with the corners of the paper. "Oh, I was thinking about doing Hephaestus or maybe Dionysus." Phil shrugged dismissively. Dan nodded as if he was listening, but his eyes said otherwise. "I'm going to do Hephaestus, if you don't mind."

"Okay, sure. I'll do Dionysus then." He said decisively.

"How do you want to do this?" Dan inquired, looking into Phil's eyes finally. Phil saw that his eyes were a warm and gorgeous brown, framed with long eyelashes. He'd probably find them prettier if they didn't have such a dull, lifeless look to them. His eyes were quite guarded, glancing away from Phil when he deemed the eye contact to be prolonged.

Phil thought about it for a moment. "You could come over to my house or I yours.." Phil suggested. "Your house would work." Dan quickly interjected. Phil was a bit surprised with how quickly he responded, but didn't mind. He just nodded and they spent the rest of the class discussing what they would do every so often but otherwise didn't talk.

When the bell rang, Phil simply gathered his things and put them in his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder. He would've been kind and bid goodbye to Dan, but he had already gotten all his things and Phil watched as the dark blur of Dan left the classroom. He sighed, assuming that talking to the taller boy was futile, just leaving the classroom. He still had the rest of the school day to get through.


	2. deux

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil work on their project at Phil's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't question the early update its 4 in the morning and i was feeling creative and i have school in the morning 
> 
> if this is less than superb then blame it on my sleep deprivation
> 
> enjoy :)

He forgot to ask for Dan's number, so he had no way of contacting him as third period is the only class they have together and he couldn't find him at lunch today. He'd gone up and asked Tyler where Dan had gone, but Tyler had just shrugged and grinned.

"Who knows what that idiot gets up to?" he answered with a wink, turning back to his table.

Phil didn't want to know what he had meant.

The next day he shuffled into his third period class and spotted Dan sitting in his usual spot, his nose in that damn sketchbook as always. He was sketching something, quite focused. He had his hood up so you could properly see the horns on it, and his tufts of unruly brown hair was still slightly visible under it.

Phil sighed before walking up to him, glancing at what he was working on. It seemed to be a headshot of someone and Dan was currently working on the hair. He cleared his throat. "Dan?"

Dan looked up, widening his eyes and quickly covering what he was doing with his free hand. "Yes?" He sounded pissed, like he didn't to be having this conversation.

"I forgot to ask for your number. Y'know, so we could have some form of contact." Phil explained.  
The brown haired boy sighed, pulling out his phone from his pocket. He noticed the Totoro case and couldn't help but smile.

"My number is xxx-xxxx." Dan recited, looking bored. Phil pulled out his own phone and unlocked it, opening up his contacts and adding it in. Afterwards, he opened Messages and texted Dan, sending him a winky face along with the sparkles emoji.

He heard Dan's phone ding and watches his eyebrows furrow together in confusion, then smooth into an exasperated look.

"You're hopeless." he told him, looking up at him and raising an eyebrow. The raven haired boy just grinned, winking at him.

Dan attempted to hide a small smile by looking back down at his sketchbook, hating Phil. How dare he be nice?

"I'll text you sometime later to talk about the project more?" Phil asked, tilting his head slightly.

The other boy nodded, brushing his hair out of his eyes. He smiled, pocketing his phone.

Phil walked back to his typical seat in the back, sitting down. Once he got all of his supplies out and opened his textbook, he glanced up at Dan and saw he was back to sketching away, his bottom lip caught between his teeth, his eyebrows furrowed slightly.

He couldn't help but smile, curious at to what it was. The bell interrupted his thoughts, though, and he mostly forgot about the brown haired boy in the room, who stole glances at him when he didn't notice.

* * *

 

Phil sighed once he got home, dropping his backpack at the door of his room and collapsing on his bed, sighing softly at the wondrous feeling of soft, warm blankets. All he wanted to do right now was sleep for a week, maybe.

Then his phone buzzed. He looked up briefly and slipped it from his pocket, holding his above his face. There was a new text from... Dan?

He hurriedly unlocked his phone, wondering why he was excited to actually see a text from Dan.

From: Dan

 **15:34** _when do you want me to come over_

 **15:34** _or whatever_

To: Dan

 **15:35** _Would now work?_

From: Dan

 **15:35** _sure_

 **15:37** _address pls_

Phil rolled his eyes, feeling the discontent vibes Dan was giving off through their texts. He sat up, slightly perturbed he wouldn't be able to sleep until later, and got up to get the supplies for the project.

* * *

 

"Coming!" Phil called when he heard someone ring the door bell. Just a moment before he was doing research on Dionysus, not really doing research and more wondering why he was so obsessed with wine.

He set down his pencil and stood, half-running to the door, unlocking and opening it.

Dan stood there with a messenger bag slung over his shoulder, his hands holding the strap of it and looking at his feet. Despite having an inch or two on Phil, he seemed small, like he'd rather disappear than be there.

"Hey." Phil greeted with a smile, stepping aside for him. "Come in, my room's upstairs."

Dan looked up and turned his attention at Phil, his eyes gaining a curious look, mostly indicated with the slight raise of his eyebrow.

"I didn't know you had glasses." Dan said in place of a greeting, walking in. Phil felt a light blush creep up his neck, completely forgetting he had them on.

"Ah, well," he murmured, closing the door and leading Dan to his room. "I wear contacts at school, but I find them too much of a nuisance to wear at home."

The brown haired boy nodded, not saying anything in reply. He expected that, really.

Phil walked right back to his laptop on his bed once they were in his room, sitting down cross-legged and picking up his pencil. He looked up to see the taller boy looking around the room with a detached interest, at the neat set-up of various plushies, like Totoro or Pikachu, on his dresser, and at the various band posters hung up on his wall.

He heard Dan make a small hum of approval before sitting on the floor. "Fall Out Boy is a good band." he commented, lingering on the particular poster for a moment longer before opening up his messenger bag and pulling out his own laptop.

Phil let out a small huff of laughter, looking at the brightly lit screen of his laptop. "They are. I'd like to see them in concert someday." he conversed, writing down a fact he deemed important for future references.

The taller boy sighed, opening up his laptop and turning it on, drumming his fingers lightly on his leg as he waited. "So do I."

Once his laptop was on and Phil had recited the internet password to him, conversation all but stopped besides the occasional comment about their project.

Around 18:30, Dan stretched and checked his phone.

"I should be heading home about now."

Phil nodded and watched as Dan packed up his stuff, finishing by sliding his laptop into his messenger back and closing the clasps, slinging it back over his shoulder.

He stood up, waiting for Phil to slide out of his bed and show him out.

"I think I'll get started on my essay sometime tomorrow, as should you, and then we could begin planning what to do for our oral presentation and visual aid." Phil told him, opening the door for him.

Dan nodded thoughtfully. "Sounds good to me." he replied, walking outside.

Phil watched as Dan got inside his car and left, pondering whether he had imagined Dan casting a glance at him before driving off.

* * *

 

They did this for the next couple of days. Phil would get home, text Dan to come over and work on the project, and then sit in a somewhat silence for a couple hours as they clicked away on their laptops.

On one of those same days, Phil interrupted the silence. "I'm bored." he whines, stretching. Dan rolled his eyes, scribbling down a note. "I'd be concerned if you weren't, we're doing school work right now."

"I don't need your sarcasm. I need entertainment." Phil huffed, ignoring the familiar scowl from Dan. "Do you wanna take a break?"

The brown haired boy looked up at this. He hesitated, almost as if he was going to reject, but then nodded. Phil grinned.

"Great. I assume you wouldn't mind watching a movie of some sort?" he suggested, already getting up to go through his movie collection.

Dan shrugged, seeing as he really didn't have a choice in the matter. He watched as Phil shuffled through his large collection of DVDs, his glasses perched on the bridge of his nose.

"Wait." Dan interrupted, moving forward and grabbing one of the movies. He turned the box right side up and nearly laughed. "Why do you have High School Musical?"

Phil blushed, watching as Dan looked over the cover. "I- uhm, I'm not entirely sure."

"Let's watch it."

"What?" Phil certainly hadn't expected that. Dan shrugged again, his face neutral. "You have them, don't see why we shouldn't."

The black haired boy made a noise that sounded like a half-sigh and a half-laugh, smiling despite himself. He certainly hadn't expected that the brooding teen who spoke little and never wore color —to his knowledge— would even consider watching such a movie. It's not like he minded.

"Fine with me." Phil said, taking it from Dan and putting it in the DVD player.

* * *

 

A couple hours later found them sat in front of the telly, halfway done with the second High School Musical movie. It turns out Dan had watched them more than he liked to admit, as Phil found out, since he just so happened to know the lyrics to each and every song that came on.

Somewhere during it Phil had gotten up to get them popcorn and they'd almost finished three bags of it. It was quite enjoyable, and Dan was actually nice company, he had to admit.

They would've finished the current movie if Dan's phone hadn't gone off and he answered it, telling Phil that he had to head home now.

Phil walked with Dan to the door as always, smiling. "You're kinda cool." Phil told him.

"I sang along to 'Fabulous.'"

"Like I said, cool."

Dan snorted. "I'm anything but."

Phil just shrugged, still smiling. "Maybe we could hang out instead of working on the project all the time." He wasn't sure why he was suggesting they do that, they weren't even friends, just people who happened to be paired together for some project. He kind of wanted to be friends. Maybe.

Dan didn't reply, just raised an eyebrow. "Bye, Phil."

"Bye."

* * *

 

Phil woke up the next morning and, after angrily turning off his alarm, checked his phone to see that he had one text from Dan.

From: Dan

 **01:05** _troye and gabriella were the original relationship goals_


	3. trois

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil realizes something about himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the weekly update! im proud of myself for actually following a schedule.
> 
> today as i post this, is January 30th, and guess what that means? PHIL IS 29!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO EVERYONE'S BELOVED ANGEL BEAN I'M SO HAPPY
> 
> so this chapter is dedicated to him <3
> 
> it is also dedicated to my lovely friend Makenna, who is already so invested in the story and mi amor Jules who supports me while i write this and listens to me freak out which i sincerely apologize you have to deal with me ;P

"Dan, why are you getting emotional, you know what happens." Phil said exasperatedly, turning to look at him. Dan was clutching a pillow to his chest and, if Phil hadn't known him better, he would've thought the taller boy was about to cry.

"But... they're going their own way." Dan whispered, clutching the pillow tighter.

Phil laughed, leaning back slightly into the couch, watching as Dan stared intently at the screen, much too invested in the movie.

He had grown quite fond of the taller boy, surprisingly. Their project wasn't due for another week and they had already completed it, so Dan came over just to hang out now. They didn't really do much, mostly watch movies or play video games, but Phil had grown to enjoy the time spent with him. Sarcastic comments and cynical nature aside, Dan wasn't all that bad of a person. Phil enjoyed those brief moments where he would look over at him and catch a rare smile that seemed to brighten up his entire face, or when he would laugh and it would be like music to Phil's ears.

He really hoped he wasn't falling for the boy.

It's not that he was against it or anything, it's just that it was _Dan_. Dan Howell who typically avoided people, Dan who had a very cynical view on life, Dan who got emotional over High School Musical, _Dan who was now one of his best mates_. He couldn't sacrifice that over some measly crush.

It was kind of hard, though, when he caught himself looking over at him and his warm, caramel eyes seemed to sparkle, or when his hair would fall in his eyes a bit and he had to resist the urge to reach out and brush it away for him. But it was _Dan_ , he constantly told himself. He couldn't be thinking about him like that. Perhaps it'll fade away soon, maybe it's just a school girl's crush.

That train of thought also had him thinking. The only reason he and Dan had begun talking in the first place was because of a project they were paired together for. What if Dan didn't want to hang out with him after it was done and over with officially? Sure, he came over when Phil asked, but they were still just partners in a project. They hardly talked if ever during school, aside from wistful glances when they thought the other wasn't looking. Dan still hung out with Tyler during lunch or was just nowhere to be found, and Phil still hung out with Louise and PJ. Really, nothing had changed, except that his time after school was mostly Dan now.

Sometimes PJ would text Phil and ask if he wanted to hang out later, but Phil had always declined. He wasn't sure why when before he would be eager to jump up at the chance to spend some time with his friends. Now, though, he always made excuses. He knew he was rejecting PJ's offers just so he could have more time with Dan, but of course he wasn't going to admit that.

So here he was again, curled up on his couch in front of the TV, watching the High School Musical series for maybe the third time. Dan seemed to enjoy them a lot more than Phil did, so he didn't object when the taller boy suggested they watch it. He liked to listen to Dan hum along to the songs and then deny that he knew the words when confronted.

Oh god, maybe he was falling for him.

* * *

 

It was well past 19:00, and Dan still hasn't left. Not that he was complaining, no way, not at all. It's just that normally he would've left or his mom would've texted him and told him he needs to go. But no, here he is, sitting besides Phil on his bed (was his bed always this small?).

Panic! At The Disco was softly playing through the speakers of Phil's phone, as by Dan's request. The taller boy was right beside him, their arms brushing every now and then. He was on his phone as per usual, seemingly not noticing the time.

Phil couldn't help but glance over at Dan, more often than what would be deemed socially acceptable. He was so much closer than he usually was, he could make out some of the finer details of Dan's face, like the light —very light— dusting of freckles across his face and near his mouth, or the delicate way the boy's eyelashes framed his eyes and curled. He could see how Dan's seemingly straight hair curled just a tad at the edges, or when Dan would nibble on his bottom lip while he was reading something. Phil certainly would not mind leaning closer and placing a kiss on his —

What has gotten into him?!

He shook his head, trying to clear his mind of the thoughts. No, Dan was his friend, that couldn't happen. He needed to stop thinking like this. It was so, so difficult though. Did Dan know he was quite irresistible? Probably. Maybe Dan was a wizard. Maybe he cast a spell on Phil so he would be attracted to him.

As Phil amused himself with these thoughts, Dan was nodding off. The hand holding his phone was a bit limp, and his head was lolling to the side.

Phil hadn't noticed until Dan's head dropped onto his shoulder. Phil turned to ask the boy if he was tired, but his eyes were already closed, eyelashes rested on his cheeks and his face very peaceful.

His heart fluttered at the sight of him asleep, Dan's chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm with his hand splayed across his chest, on top of his phone. It was quite a sight to behold. Phil wanted to take a picture of him, remember the moment, but the taller boy would probably kill him if he actually did take a picture.

His memories would have to do, and he wouldn't forget. He wouldn't forget the warmth that Dan had filled him with just at that very moment, how close he felt to him. He also wouldn't forget the deeper feeling, the one he tried to deny for so long, but it was there and it was growing stronger. Phil wanted to protect him, protect him from any dangers and be there for him.

And _shit_ , he realized he had fallen for the boy.

At that moment, though, nothing could be better. And soon he was falling asleep himself, feeling safe and comfortable besides Dan, Panic! At The Disco still playing.

_"Hey moon, please forget to fall down._

_Hey moon, don't you go down."_


	4. quatre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil talks to Tyler during lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Author's Note: DON'T KILL ME I KNOW I MISSED LIKE FOUR OR FIVE UPDATE WEEKS OKAY IVE HAD MAJOR WRITERS BLOCK AND UGHHH ITS BEEN MISERABLE IVE BEEN MISERABLE
> 
> but im writing again!! im trying to catch up on all the missed updates so here's a really short one. it's better than none, right? im sorry !!!! ill post a longer update soon i promise.)

The project was over. They presented it well and, if you asked them, they did pretty fucking good. They were also still hanging out, much to Phil's delight.

They never brought up the fact they slept together in the same bed. Phil had woken up to Dan pulling on his shoes and his face flushed. Dan hadn't noticed he was awake and simply left, leaving Phil longing for his comforting warmth beside him again.

He was happy Dan hadn't just stopped talking to him, though, so he really didn't complain.

Dan began sitting with Phil at lunch too, although that meant that Tyler joined them sometimes. The blue haired boy was an interesting addition, but Phil liked him and liked talking to him. He was always bringing an excited and happy mood that Dan seemed to lack on most school days, talking for the taller boy when he just wanted to draw in his ever-elusive sketchbook.

Today, Tyler seemed to be even more excited than he normally is, which is saying a lot.

Phil's learned to tune out a lot of what he's saying since it's usually just pointless gossip about the latest relationship or who's fucking who, so to him it's not important. Besides, he doesn't even know half the people Tyler is talking about.

"...il? Phil!" Tyler said exasperatedly, trying to get Phil's attention. Said boy finally looked up, blinking. "O-Oh, I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

Tyler rolled his eyes, pouting. "Rude. I was asking if you were gonna come to the party. Zoe is hosting it." Tyler explained, back to being his normally excited self.

Phil shrugged, looking around the lunch room. "I dunno, I'm not big on parties." Understatement of the year. First of all, he's hardly, if ever, invited to them. The fact that he only has two friends —well, four now— may be the cause of that. Second of all, he's socially awkward. Things like social gathering don't bode well with him.

"Pleaaaase? Dan is going!" Tyler begged, leaning over the table. Phil shot a look at Dan who was looking at Phil, his eyes screaming _please come I don't want to be there alone_.

Phil stated at Dan for a moment longer before signing, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Fine, okay, I'll go."

Tyler whooped. "Yes! We're going to get so wasted!"

"I made a mistake."


	5. cinq

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler, Dan, and Phil all go to a party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, technically this is a late update since I should've posted this yesterday, whoops. Major writers block still. I hope you enjoy the chapter thoroughly and comments and kudos are highly appreciated. Thanks so much!!

"Get in the car loser, we're going to a party." Tyler called out of his window, Dan sulking miserably in the passenger seat of the car. Phil cursed, trying to pull on his shoes faster. "Okay, okay, hold on." he grumbled, feeling a bit irritated at being rushed. He didn't even want to go anyways, but Dan was going to be there, so.

He called goodbye to his mum, running out the door and closing it. "That's not fair, I'm stuck in the backseat alone." Phil pointed out as he got in the car. Tyler opened his mouth to retort, but Dan shrugged and crawled into the backseat, all long limbs and awkwardness, purposefully kicking Tyler in the shoulder.

"Ow!" Tyler yelped, rubbing his shoulder. "You two are so rude to me!" he accused, although he was smiling and Dan just shrugged again from where he was sitting besides Phil. Phil grinned, pleased with the turn of events. Tyler huffed, driving them off to the party.

 

* * *

 

"Have a drink, Dan, it'll calm you." Phil gently insisted, trying to push a cup into the taller boy's hands. Dan shook his head, pursing his lips. "Nothing ever goes well when I drink, Phil."

Phil shrugged. "I'll stay sober and make sure you don't do anything stupid." he suggested. Dan took a look around the place, teeming with people from their grade and more, and grabbed the drink out of Phil's hand and took a swig. When he set the cup down, his face was scrunched up in displeasure. "Ugh," he muttered. "How do people drink so often?"

"It gets better as you drink." Phil pointed out, watching as Dan finished off the cup and got another. He furrowed his eyebrows together in concern. "Maybe you should slow down..."

Dan just rolled his eyes, a light blush already forming on his cheeks. He must not be able to handle much alcohol if he's already feeling effects from it. Dan sipped from the new cup he had, leaning against the table holding all of the cups. "'m not big on parties." he said, looking around again with disdain. "Too many people."

Phil nods in agreement, feeling the same. "I would've rather stayed at home." Phil admits, slipping his hand into his pocket. The brunette was mostly done with his second cup, and definitely inebriated at this point. Maybe he'd stop him after his third cup.

"I only came for you, though." Dan said, with an undertone of detachment like he didn't really understand what was coming out of his mouth. Phil stared at him disbelievingly, not believing the words he was saying. He only came for him? Why? It's not like they were good friends, no, that would be Tyler.

Phil was still thinking about it when Dan suddenly declared he needed to use the bathroom, setting his cup down. He watched as the taller boy stumbled through the crowd in the direction of the bathroom, confused.

 

* * *

 

Okay, it's been nearly half an hour since Dan went off. That's gotta be enough time to send alarms going off in Phil's mind, right?

He'd been leaning against the wall watching chaos unfold in the living room, ignoring Tyler when he came in and tried to get Phil to drink (he failed, obviously).

Dan had been gone for an awfully long amount of time. There was always the possibility he went home, but he was drunk and Tyler was still here, and there's no way he would've called his mum or dad to come get him. Which only meant that Dan was still at the party and just not showing this face.

Obviously, Phil decided that was enough encouragement to move from where he was standing and go find the brunette.

It was kind of hard, considering the fact that at least half of the rooms were closed and there were suspicious sounding noises coming from behind them. Phil didn't want to find out who was in them and what was going on in them, thank you very much, he was just looking for a friend. A tall, drunk friend he found attractive and could very well be behind one of those doors. It was unlikely though, seeing as the only people Dan ever really talked to were Phil and Tyler.

Phil had just begun to give up and assume Dan wasn't here anymore when he heard sniffling from the bathroom. The door was slightly ajar, revealing a black clad curled up figure pressed against the wall, their face buried in their knees. Phil pushed the door open wider and stepped in.

There Dan was, hugging his knees to his chest and hiding his face. His hair was ruffled and unkempt, which was odd seeing how it usually was never a strand out of place. His lanky frame was shaking slightly, obvious cries coming from the boy. Phil could physically feel his heart shattering into a thousand pieces.

"Dan?" Phil whispered, but he heard him anyways. When he looked up, it revealed his blotchy cheeks, clearly red from more than drinking. His eyes were red and puffy and there were tears clinging to his eyelashes. His cheeks were shiny with tears and he just looked miserable altogether.

Phil approached him like one would approach an easily scared animal, which in this case, Dan seemed like one. It seemed like one wrong move would send him bolting out of the room, never to return.

"What's wrong?" he murmured, resting a hand on Dan's knee. Dan flinched, looking away and shaking his head, a broken sob forcing its way out of his throat.

He opened his mouth to ask again when Dan suddenly turned his attention to him. "Can't you see?" he accused, looking pained. His words were slurring together as well, a clear indicator that the brunette was still inebriated and probably not thinking straight.

Phil placed a hand on Dan's, intending to help him stand up. "You're drunk, we should bring you home—"

Dan drew away as if he had been burned, his head thumping against the wall behind him and a curse falling from his lips. Phil felt the hurt creep onto his face but Dan didn't seem to notice.

"Why are you like this?" the taller boy demanded to know, speaking louder than he needed to be. No one could hear the conversation over the pounding bass, probably, but in the small confines of the bathroom, his words echoed through him with an unsettling feeling.

Phil tilted his head slightly to the right, confused. "Like what?"

Dan threw his hands up, gesturing to the entirety of Phil. "Like that! So nice to me and so fucking clueless!" he exclaimed, looking like he was going to start crying again. "Wh-Who d'you think you are, coming into my life out of nowhere and just- just making yourself such an important part of me! I fucking hate it! I hate getting excited when I see you in the hallways, and you smile that adorably giddy smile with your glasses perched on top of your nose- and don't think I haven't noticed you started wearing them more often after I brought it up. You don't even try to pry and ask what I'm drawing you just- you're always inviting me over and watching whatever movie I want to and letting me _sleep on you_ and I _know you don't feel the same._ It's just one-sided, it's always one-sided and I cant do anything about it!"

Phil was having a hard time processing all of this new information and Dan didn't seem to be stopping. He had tried to get a word in more than once but Dan just plowed right on, ignoring him as if he hadn't been there.

"I can't stand this! Why do you mean so much to me?" Dan yelled, staring straight into Phil's eyes as if he had the answer to that question. He didn't. He wish he did. He just stared into Dan's gorgeous brown eyes, tinted red from crying and tears freely flowing down his face.

Apparently, he wasn't supposed to answer anyways. One moment Phil was just kneeling before Dan who was still curled up in fetal position, and the next moment Dan had lunged forward, grabbing Phil's face in his hands and smashing their lips together in an angst and alcohol induced moment.

Phil stumbled back in surprise, hands flying up to rest themselves on Dan's hips and catch him. The taller boy took that as an invitation to keep kissing Phil, quick and desperate as if this is what he'd been waiting for all along, and, going by his previous rant, it was.

Don't get him wrong, Phil wanted this as much as Dan did, it was just that he was drunk. There was no way he would do this sober and would certainly cease talking to Phil if he found out he let it happen.

Even with that knowledge, he just closed his eyes and let himself his back, treasuring the feeling of Dan's soft lips against his own. It was sloppy, there's no denying that, but it was still amazing. His entire being felt as if it were vibrating, Dan's hands coming to rest on his chest and first the material of his shirt in his hands.

Phil would've gladly continued kissing Dan for however long the brunette wanted to, but he abruptly drew back. Dan looked absolutely, well, _horrified_. He stared at Phil like he couldn't believe it, couldn't believe any of this was happening and skittered away from Phil, releasing his shirt. Phil's hands dropped to his sides, watching as Dan scrambled to his feet.

"M'sorry, I-I have to- I have to go." Dan muttered cryptically, all but running out of the room and leaving with Phil's heart.

Phil watched, sitting there long after Dan had left. Once his senses finally came back to him, he turned around, faced the wall, banged his head against it, and screamed in frustration, feeling tears trickle down his face that he hadn't even known were there.


	6. six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil is having problems. So is Dan. They're both stupid, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long time not posting (a.k.a three months of nothing)! I have writers block and I hadn't felt motivated to write. I'm hoping to speed up the writing soon. I want to start on a Sterek fanfiction, to be honest. We'll see. I'm not going to start anything else until I finish this.

Isolating yourselves from other humans and not answering your phone when people call you is perfectly acceptable, right? Yeah. Of course it is. Especially when you have a reason like 'my crush kissed me and then ran away horrified'.

Okay, it might not be that acceptable, but Phil doesn't really care. Who would be okay after that? Not him.

Phil's been hiding in his room ever since the party. If he's been crying into his pillow for a few hours and wondering what he did wrong, well, it's no one's business.

He glanced over at his phone, which was plugged in charging even though it was at 100%, debating whether he should be the first to break the silence or not. Half of him wants to tell Dan that he reciprocates, that he wants to be more than friends with him. The other half, however, shies away from the idea. Okay, that was an understatement. Phil is absolutely terrified of the idea of telling him. What if that was just a result of Dan being drunk? He wasn't thinking straight at the time. Who knows if that's really how he feels about Phil?

Ugh, all of this is giving Phil a headache. Why can't he just stay under the covers for the rest of time?

Phil groaned, pulling the blanket over his head. He heard a noise come from his phone, recognizing it as a text message. He stayed there for a moment, before gathering the courage to slowly get out of bed and grab his phone. He pulled it from the plug and looked at the messages on the screen.

From: Dan

4:52 im sorry.

4:53 im really sorry.

4:53 i was drunk i wasn't thinking

4:54 im sorry

11:29 phil

11:29 please answer me

11:29 im sorry

11:30 where are you

13:09 i know you're awake

13:09 phil god damn it

13:10 at least answer me

13:11 we don't even have to talk about it

13:12 phil

From: Tyler

14:38 I WILL PERSONALLY FIGHT YOU PHIL

14:42 COME ON

Phil looked over the texts from them both. He felt guilt building up in his chest, threatening to bubble over and suffocate him. Maybe he shouldn't have ignored his phone. He was only thinking of himself. What about Dan? How is he feeling?

He cursed himself, rubbing a hand down his face. He pulled up Tyler's messages, telling him he was going to text Dan right now. He got a text back almost immediately which said, "You better." with the knife emoji following after. Phil smiled despite himself. At least Dan has someone who cares about him.

Phil took a deep breath, opening Dan's.

To: Dan

14:47 Hey

From: Dan

14:47 pls don't hate me

Phil felt another pang of guilt. Perhaps Dan was just as wrecked over this as he was. There you go again Phil, messing things up.

To: Dan

14:47 I don't hate you, Dan

From: Dan

14:48 really?

To: Dan

14:48 Really. I just think we should talk about it

Phil stared at the screen of his phone, his hands shaking lightly. Dan hasn't responded quickly like he did for the previous texts. Maybe.. maybe he didn't see it; he could just be busy. Phil knew that most likely was not the case, though. Phil was growing more anxious by the second when the three familiar dogs indicating that the other person was texting showed up. Phil let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

From: Dan

14:55 is this you telling me you don't want to talk to me anymore

To: Dan

14:55 What? No! Of course not! Why would you think that?

From: Dan

14:55 because i

14:56 kissed you

He felt a sudden rush of warmth at the memory. Even though it had ended badly, Phil can't help but think about how soft and perfect Dan's lips felt against his. The problem is, he doesn't know if Dan reciprocates his feelings. Dan was drunk anyways.

To: Dan

14:57 Yes, you did. And?

From: Dan

14:58 aren't you disturbed

To: Dan

14:59 Are you?

Phil didn't get a reply after that. Phil felt the worry come back full force, thinking that he said the wrong thing. He locked his phone, setting it on his chest. Dan couldn't ignore him forever, could he? They had school on Monday. They had to talk then. Phil would rather they talk it now, though. Hopefully Dan would reply.

The stress was tiring out Phil majorly, and he could feel his eyes fluttering closed. He laid a palm over his phone, so he would feel if he got a message.

He let out a soft breath. Everything was going to be okay, or that's what he'll be telling himself until it comes true. Phil allowed himself to be taken by the gentle embrace of sleep.


	7. sept

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Monday, and it's time for Phil to head to school. No more moping around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is terrible but i promise it will get better

Phil dreaded going back to school, but alas, it was inevitable. Monday morning found him curled up tightly in his covers, wishing he could stay in bed just a bit longer. He finally got out of bed when his alarm persistently blared at him, reminding him that he needed to get ready. Reluctantly, he got out of bed and got ready for the day.

He scooped up his backpack and slung it over his shoulder, making his way downstairs. He didn't feel like eating anything this morning, his stomach already in knots, anxious for the day. Phil bid goodbye to his mum, waving away the offer of breakfast and hurriedly going outside.

As he walked to school, listening to the crunch of leaves under his feet, he heard a second pair of steps coming towards him. When he looked up, he saw his best friend PJ running towards him with a wide smile on his face. "Hey Phil!" PJ greeted happily, falling into step beside Phil. Phil smiled weakly back. "Hey."

"We haven't gotten to hang out much lately," PJ pointed out with a pout. "I heard you've been hanging out with Oakley and Howell. Are they any better company than me?" he asked, laughing lightly. Phil shrugged in response. "Maybe they are." PJ shoved Phil playfully, earning a quiet laugh from the taller boy.

They walked together the way to the school in relative silence. After a bit, PJ turned to examine Phil's face, whose eyebrows were furrowed together in thought. "Hey, is there something wrong?"

Phil snapped out of his thoughts, looking over at him. "N-No, there's nothing wrong." He responded, although even to his own ears it was clear he was lying. The shorter boy frowned, bumping their shoulders together lightly. "You can tell me anything, you know that." Phil sighed, looking up towards the sky. "Yeah, I know." He hadn't been hanging out with PJ lately so he wouldn't know what's going on. Phil felt slightly bad for ditching him all the time for Tyler and Dan, as well. He sighed, deciding to tell him the entire situation with him and Dan. PJ listened closely, allowing his friend to talk and not interrupting him. When Phil was done, he felt as if a slight weight was lifted off of him. It felt good to be able to get that off of his chest.

PJ patted Phil's arm. "Sounds like you're having love troubles there." he commented, laughing when Phil blushed in embarrassment. "I think you two should talk about it instead of leaving it be."

Phil nodded, thinking that he was right. "I think I will," Phil agreed. "Thanks for listening, Peej."

"Glad I could be of help!" PJ smiled wide, walking the rest of the way with Phil.

He should really make PJ his official therapist.


	8. huit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil and Dan finally talk. For real.

Phil waved goodbye to PJ as they went to their separate lockers. He collected the things he needed for his classes and put the rest inside. When Phil turned around to head to first period, he saw Dan standing there and looking at him with wide eyes in presumed shock. 

Dan took a step back when he turned around and Phil reached out for him. "Dan, wait–" he called, but the boy had already turned and left, clutching his things to his chest. Phil sighed, knowing he would at least be able to try to talk to him during third period. 

When third period arrived, Phil sat in his usual seat waiting for Dan to come in, fumbling with his hands. He was feeling a bit nervous. What if Dan didn't want to talk to him anymore and he had ruined everything over the weekend? The mere thought sent his heart plummeting into his stomach. He couldn't bear to lose the boy he'd come to like. He seriously hoped Dan would still want to be friends with him. Phil bit his lip and waited anxiously for Dan to come in. 

He was starting to think that he had just skipped class when Dan came in, looking disheveled and clutching his sketchbook tightly to his chest. Almost instantaneously, the two boys locked eyes. Dan looked at him for a moment before averting Phil's gaze and sat in his normal seat. The taller boy stood up and moved to sit next to Dan. 

Dan seemed as if he were ready to bolt and probably would have if the bell hadn't rung, signaling the start of class. Ms. Brown walked in, her heels clicking on the ground. "Alright class," she greeted. "Take lots of notes today, most of the stuff we will be learning today is going to be on the test."

Phil and Dan pulled out papers and pencil in unison, though they both knew that they weren't going to be taking that many notes today. As soon as Ms. Brown turned her back on the class to begin her lesson, Phil turned to look at Dan. "You never answered my question." Phil began, clasping his hands together. Dan stared determinedly down at the paper, not responding.

Phil waited patiently for Dan to talk, and when he saw that the taller boy wasn't going to back down, he sighed. "I-I don't know," Dan replied honestly, fingers nervously fiddling with the pencil in his hand. "I-I just.. It's not really accepted that well, is it?" Dan murmured, finally looking up through his eyelashes to look at Phil. He supposed that Dan had a point. 

He hesitated before resting his hand gently on top of Dan's. The brown haired boy stiffened before relaxing. "It's not, but I don't mind." Phil admitted, watching as Dan's face turned into one of surprise. "I–I...I like you, Dan. A lot." He looked down to avoid Dan's reaction, fearing it would be a negative one.

Dan didn't reply for a minute, and every second that went by Phil felt his stomach twisting into tighter knots. Soon, he drew his hand away, but before he could move it far Dan grabbed his hand and entwined their fingers together. He looked up, lips parted in surprise to see the brown haired boy with a light blush on his cheeks and a shy smile. 

Phil suddenly felt elated, extremely happy Dan hadn't rejected him. Phil squeezed his hand lightly, watching as Dan's blush darkened. They haven't said anything concrete yet, but Phil felt as if this was the start of something amazing.


End file.
